Tales Only A Mother Would Understand And Appreciate!

• 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
• 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
• 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

• 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
• 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
• 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

• 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
• 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
• 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

• 1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
• 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
• 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

• 1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
• 2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
• 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. 

• 1st baby: You change your baby's nappies every hour, whether they need it or not.
• 2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
• 3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

• 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
• 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
• 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

• 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
• 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
• 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

• 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
• 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
• 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

• 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
• 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
• 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance! 

Q My daughter is six months old and has always hated being put into her car seat. She screams non-stop while I’m getting her in and out and the only time she stops is while the car is moving. Will this ever change? 

The good news is that it will change, as long as you are friendly, firm and consistent. In time they come to realise that the car engine won't start till all seat belts are on.  

It may not cure it overnight, but over time the kids come to accept the restriction just as they do the many others we put on their lives for their own safety. Just make sure that the harnessing is comfortable for her.  

Maybe you could look on her performances as a sign of character!! 

Generally I find that 18 months to 3 years to be the dominant age group for biting - lovely new fangs, lovely soft cherubic skin all around and not too many words to offer less aggressive alternatives … and the attention and power they get when carers come rushing and the victim goes of screaming, are all too much to resist.  

Generally the idea is no lectures, no moral arguments; catch them if you can in the act, deliver a short sharp and quite loud "uh, uh" or "no no" right near their ear to produce a slight shock reaction so they come to associate that biting action on another person with shock or aversion. Pay lots of attention to the victim and then make sure the culprit does some positive thing to make up or atone for their action - in other words, life is about learning and part of that learning is when they've hurt or made a mistake how to fix it up.  

At the same time check where and when it's happening - is it always with the same child, always when they're tired, only at day care - this will give you information as to what's stressing them and that may help you minimise the likelihood of excessive biting.  

Another technique some parents use is to have some soft dolly nearby and habitual biters can have time, before play, biting into the soft arm of dolly, who doesn't mind the pain. The recidivist biters may not like the exercise but the concept is, rather than repeatedly asking them not to bite, is to saturate or flood the behaviour so they're sick of It. If they err again then more dolly (or any other inanimate object) biting till they get the message that they might like the power but other kids don't like it.  

The Mumswap concept started because I wanted to find another mum that could prepare a potential business logo in return for marketing support 

Since starting the site it is great to see how many other mums have come on board and are swapping their business services, either for other business services or for anything else such as gifts, beauty services and the like.  We have even had members offering a share of a business in return for a skill-set, such at pattern-making. 

This is what the site is all about. Working together, supporting each other,  to get everything you want – a smarter, thriftier way. 

So, if you have an array of business skills that could offer, or if you want to start a business organically, Mumswap is the right place. List all the business services you need to get your business off the ground and list your return offer. 

There are thousands of talented members on board, so you never know what opportunities await! 

Real Life Example: Jessica Gronow in business…  

By Jessica Gronow.  Here is my story in short: 

In 2000 I graduated from art school. My entire life up until then was always based around art. Even as a child my life ambition was to become an Artist. 

In 2001 I registered my visual art business. It was known as JG VISUAL. I focused on selling paintings rather than any other medium, and gave it my all. For a short time I had great PR for my work. I had a number of small exhibitions in local spaces, was contributing to a public street art project, and featured in a couple of articles for the local newspapers. Then I hit a wall. 

In reality, I was a young lady with absolutely no business experience and I was new to the art world. Although I was artistically gifted, I was naive and couldn't survive out there. The business sadly ended not long after it began... and I always considered it to be a huge failure of mine. 

Since then, I settled for alternative employment in retail and in training. 

During late pregnancy, I learnt of mumswap on a morning television program and loved the idea of being able to get things I wanted by swapping items. This was such an attractive concept for me as I was on maternity leave and my partner and I were only surviving on the one salary. 

I visited mumswap online and because it was free to sign up, I did so just for fun! I listed the things I wanted to get done around my home and offered a drawing in return. BUT all of a sudden, I was inundated with enquiries from other users wanting to know how they could BUY my drawings!!! I was so thrilled! 

I sold some portraits to a couple of mumswap mothers and the feedback they gave me was so positive, I had a new found confidence in my art!  Being with mumswap gave me the confidence to pick myself up and try again! and this time it's happening!  

Early this year I registered my portrait business. The name's GRONOW PORTRAITURE. Gronow Portraiture is now online and is doing wonderfully. I am SO VERY excited about it! And can thank mumswap for helping me see my true potential as an artist...and as a successful business woman! 

Now I can look back at my childhood ambition and smile, knowing that I'm finally on my way! 

Gronow Portraiture 

Imagine accidentally stumbling into a business that gave you an income, simply because you were naturally good at something or just genuinely enjoyed what you dabbled in your spare time  

What encouraged these women to make a pleasurable hobby into a bill paying enterprise

I started fooling around with graphic design when I was 14-15. I self-taught myself a lot of what I now know at a young age. I used to design posters and graphics for friends, so it was pretty natural for me to make this a career. The turning point for me was doing simple graphic design projects for the real estate agency I was working for, even though it was not part of my job. I knew I could do it though. These were things going to print in magazines and on large billboards and it was great to see my work in print. It gave me a real buzz that sort of sparked an idea - what about doing this for a living? I had the experience, had the training (doing design at uni while working)... why not?  I think when people turn their hobby into a business, it can be such a huge success. I sometimes get people asking what sort of business they should start and ask them what their favourite hobby is! 

I started to pay attention to what people were saying to me!  I was one of those people that friends and family would come to all the time to talk about their problems and get some 'friendly advice' on what they should do. When I was chasing around the question of identifying my 'purpose in life' I kept coming back to the fact that I was good at listening and speaking in general.  I guess I trusted my gut that this was something I was good at and then I went about finding out how to turn this into a profession that I love....thats when I came across Life Coaching.  Being paid to do something you love, as most of us here can identify with, makes going to work an absolute joy.  

Kathryn, from All You Need 

I guess not so much my hobby, but sewing, embroidery, quilting etc have always been my mum's hobbies.  She made most of our clothes when we were kids, and the mum's of my little friends would get her to make things for their kids as well.  When I had a daughter, mum was over the moon, and started sewing for her before she was even born.  I started making cloth nappies for Alexandra, and started getting requests, so that is how our business first started.  When mum retired she started sewing for Alexandra, and mentioned that she had always wanted to have a children's clothing label so we switched focus.  Another of my hobbies, which I love but am a complete amateur, is photography, so our business gives me a chance to indulge that as well. 

Hally, from Creative Balance  

I think the biggest question is "are you passionate enough to make a living from it?" It is one thing to do for fun and it is another to do the market research, look what the competitors are doing and take it to the next level. I find if you are truly passionate about something no matter what "hobby", what has to be done to take it to the next level is exciting because you get to do more of it. The next step isn't hard... just unfamiliar! 

My passion turned into a business when I realised this was a new market and I had a unique product for it.   If I could talk to schools about teaching kids financial literacy, awakening them to just how easy it is to implement it, I'd be making a difference to the next generation in (at least) this country.  That is my personal vision.  How wonderful to create a business out of that.  There is an old saying that I believe "have passion and the means will follow" 

Well initially I was only interested in creating a product that would help with my daughter’s eczema that didn’t contain steroids!  Once I had perfected that I started experimenting with essential oils for creams for myself and friends……They were so popular my friend and I decided to have a few markets and the ball just well and truely started rolling from there. It has been an amazing ride and I have learnt so much but am loving it! 

Reclaim your personal style! Top ten style tips for Mum’s 

Staying in style after having kids can sometimes be a challenge. Let’s face it, being a Mum is a lot of hard work! The hours are long, there’s a lot of mess involved, and often what you wear is at the very bottom of your list of priorities. However, staying in style doesn’t have to be a chore. Re-inventing your personal style will do wonders for your self-confidence! All it takes is a little bit of time (and a little bit of money) to change a few of your old habits 

Your first consideration when buying an item of clothing should always be “does this item look good on ME?” It’s all about body shape, colours, fabrics and styles. It doesn’t matter if skinny leg jeans or high waisted pants are “in style” if they just don’t work on your body shape. The fashion world can be mighty cruel some times, and it pays to remember that we aren’t all built like Kate Moss

Your Dirty Little Love Secrets - From a member that wishes to remain totally anonymous 

 How to spice up your love life

Ever wondered, or been ambitious enough to try to make your own gift hamper?  I tried and it was nowhere near as easy as it looks 

4.  In the bottom of your box or basket, use scrunched up newspaper, butchers paper or ask a bookstore to keep some foam bubbles for you 

5.  Cover with tissue paper 

6.  Lay your items largest to smallest in your box or basket so that each item can be seen 

7.  Wrapped ‘tightly’ in cellophane. You don’t want a loose looking hamper 

8.  Tie off with some thin curling ribbon 

9.  Make a bow and tie in with the curling ribbon 

What do you know now about running your business that you wish you knew earlier?  That paperwork bites, and there seem to be no Fairies who come in the night to complete the mountain-load for me!

Why is this important to you?  Being a Big Person can be tough … It is hard work!  Being little is such a small space in time and it should be wondrous.  Watch a child playing dress ups – it is amazing!

Why is role play/imaginative play important for kid’s development:  So we learn not to limit ourselves.  We gain confidence and strive to be whoever we wish to be.  Children also learn how to interact through play.  I recently read a study stating that this form of play has been found to help children relieve stress and other negative emotions.  Play is Children’s “work”

Chocolate or Cheese?  Definitely CHOCOLATE

Introducing our member “Beauty from Nature Mineral Makeup”, a business mum that appreciates the important things in life… like wine & cheese and also has a bit of advice for mums that want to get into business.. 

Number of kids, ages 

Number of kids, ages 

Who do you look up to and why?  

What do you want to achieve for the year? 

My family values. I love being a mum. I think you really dont understand what it is to be a mum until you become one. I always planned on going back to work after I had Josh but now my priorities have changed and I am so greatful I get to spend this time with my boy. 

As I am the first of my friends to have a child I am in real need of baby items.  I need boys clothing size 1-3, toys and now that he is getting around i really need baby proofing items like a safety gate. Other things on my wish list include books, a nice large rug for my floor, curtains, crystals and any organic products for the home. But just because its not on my request list doesnt mean Im not interested!  

That I couldn’t say.  But what I can say is I think young mums are unfairly judged and critisised.  I’m 22 I’ve been with my partner for 4.5yrs. From the time I was pregnant Ive received rude comments (from complete strangers) about being too young to have a baby. True there are young people out there that possibly aren’t responsible parents but I think you can find parents in there 30's that aren’t responsible either!  I think it all comes down to the individual and where they are in their lives. I know I was ready to settle down but I look at some of my friends and I know they definitely aren’t thinking about kids just yet. In the end I think it’s up to the individual to decide whether or not they are ready it become parents, not the little old lady in the shopping line behind them 

Meet creative Mumswap member ‘Portart’, mum to 2 boys aged 6 and 9. Find out what she has in common with Britney Spears and why she wants to be a Monk and live in solitary confinement. (We really do have a colourful bunch of members and we love it!)  

What habit you want to kick in 2009 - procrastination 

What are you requesting - Offers from interested parties, I will consider all options but in particular child-minding, DS games and trades services 

What is one thing people don't know about you. Trust me, this they don’t want to know, everything else is an open book 

Finish this silly sentence "If I had to choose between being the new Britney Spears or a Monk living in solitary confinement, “I would be a monk, in spite of the attraction of a publicized life of booze, drugs, fanny-flashing, weight yo-yoing, and public humiliation....I've done all that so I'd try something new, mainly because I'd have a chance of more sleep!” 

Find all of Portart's listings by searching by username 

• Stop using your credit card

• Plan meals, shop with a list, cook in bulk 

• Go out for coffee and cake instead of dinner 

• Start a friend/family working bee for DIY jobs around the home 

• Stretch hair appointments and try some at-home beauty treatments 

• Maintain yesterday's 'high' interest repayments and save towards your holiday 

• In playgroup, have 1 birthday party for all the kids, and do presents KK style 

• Invest in business purchases gradually and negotiate flexible payment terms 

• Swap your clothes, toys, books, babysitting, homewares - even your house for the weekend! That way everyone can be spoilt, without paying for it! 

These changes are small enough so that we feel like we still have a life, yet collectively, big enough to make a difference!

By Craig Harper, from the website of the world's No.1 Motivational Speaker

Sometimes life feels like quicksand - unpleasant, messy, exhausting and like you're about to sink at any moment. And all too often it seems like one of those baggage carousels at the airport where you feel like you're getting somewhere for a moment, only to end up in the exact same place on a regular basis. Again and again and again. Groundhog day. If only someone would throw you a rope for the quicksand situation or come and collect you from the carousel. 

Craig Harper is a leading motivational speaker and educator. He is a highly sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and professional development. Working with hundreds of teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations on numerous continents over the last twenty years has given Craig a unique insight into, and understanding of, human performance and all its variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire, challenge and make people laugh all at the same time! See www.craigharper.com.au for further motivation in all areas of your life 

It needn’t be said that Mothering is a hard job, fraught with all kinds of challenges. We’re constantly second guessing ourselves and wondering whether we’ve done the ‘right thing’ or not. Nothing is of more concern to us in this regard as to how much we’re damaging our kids psychologically. Or, basically, screwing up their minds

Despite the terrible job we’re obviously doing – just read today’s paper, I’m sure you’ll find something in there that tells you just how bad you’re doing– they still have a day for us Mums. Mother’s Day. And it’s upon us. 

Oh, hooray, hurrah! Something for us! Something to acknowledge and show appreciation. And just one more day full of worry and concern and “how can I keep a smile on my face when they’ve served me cat poo on toast? Again?!” 

Receiving of a badly drawn picture of a demented cow, oh, no wait, it’s a picture of you, it’s not nice manners to mumble under your breath or comment that the cat, long deceased, has better potential as an artist. 

You will be required to wear the macaroni necklace, painted the most hideous shade of turquoise possible, to your husband’s work function next weekend. You don’t just get away with smiling and pretending it’s not there. Oh, no. You have to wear it with pride.  

And that’s just to keep your husband happy. Wait till you have to deal with what the kids give you ... 

© Mad Cow founder and owner of fluff free reality parenting website realmums.com .au – mother of three, wife and recipient of the Best Mother’s Day Breakfasts ever! It’s a tough job keeping the family out of the kitchen while she cooks it herself. But it’s worth it! Do you have a Mind Your Manners question for Mad Cow? E-mail us with Mind Your Manners in the subject line 

Mind Your Manners by Mad Cow 

It doesn’t mean you have to let your manners slip, however. In fact, running your own business, it’s imperative that your manners are up to scratch. 

None of this answering the phone with “You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel,” a la Homer Simpson style. Even if you are wearing a towel. You have an image to project. Imagining you in a towel is not something the person on the other end wants to do. Unless they are another WAHM and their towel is much more fashionable than yours. 

No, you need to appear professional and together at all times. You take a call, and you answer in your most officious voice, ignoring the screaming tantrum going on in the background because Little Miss Two has the blue bowl and wants the pink.  

The “Mu-uum, come and wipe my bum!” must also be handled with aplomb. Yelling, “wipe your own bum” into the callers ear is not good manners. In fact, even more polite versions, such as “One moment, sweetheart, I’ll come and wipe your bum when I’m finished this call” are not much better. 

Really, there’s only one way to handle a business phone call AND retain your manners when you work at home … simply sneak off and hide yourself in your wardrobe. It’s where all good WAHM business phone calls are conducted. 

When you’re in need of a face-to-face meeting, have a nice jacket hanging beside the door. Up really high! No, higher than that. When the doorbell rings, you just whip it on at the last minute. Or you can grab it on your way out the door to an “out of the house” meeting. 

And, no … your bathrobe doesn’t count. 

Mind Your Manners by Mad Cow 

Mums’ love receiving gifts.  (OK, well I love receiving gifts, therefore all Mums must) It acknowledges them for the great work they do, shows them they are appreciated, and, most importantly, that they are loved. 

Gifts from your kids is lovely, but there’s nothing that shows LOVE like a gift from the Father of Your Children (FoYC) to show you really are indispensable. If the FoYC is anything like mine, the gifts you receive will only serve to prove to you that they: 

Apparently, throwing a tantrum and yelling “Since when do I even like red and purple!?” on Christmas morning is just bad manners. I know, because I get told this every year. I still don’t like red. Or purple. But, according to my Dear Beloved, they are my favourite colours in gaudy jewellery, because he says so. 

They say it’s the thought that counts, but it really would count so much more if there were any thought actually put into it.  So, what to do, what to do? I mean, you do want to know that someone out there loves you, right? 

You could always flick through the junk mail that filters through your mail box, chop out your desired items of Showing Love, stick them in various, obvious places, with sticky notes advising things like “Buy me this or no sex for the rest of your natural life”, just so he gets it right this year.  

You could do that, but it’s only recommended if you operating are under the complete delusion that he will actually get it right this time. 

Or you could Feel The Love like never before. Leave the house, the husband, the kids … go shopping, buy what you really want, take it home, hand it to him and say “Wrap this and give it to me for my birthday”. Better still. Wrap it yourself, and hand it to him the morning of your birthday to hand straight back to you. 

He won’t remember whether he bought it or not. 

But he will be suitably impressed that he finally got it right. 

And the love you show for your brand new, well fitting, sparkly shoes will prove to him just how much he does love and appreciate you. 

© realmums.com.au 

Mind Your Manners by Mad Cow 

For Mums, however, they’re much easier to break, what with all the pesky children falling off things and breaking arms, or smearing vegemite on the new couch and changing the plan. 

Unfortunately, breaking NYRs is just not good manners. Not only are you letting yourself down, but you’re also letting down all those around you. And if you wanna get all “good mother” thingy about it, you’re letting your kids down. Naughty, naughty. 

This year, I have resolved to not make unachievable, unrealistic, unattainable resolutions. Firstly, I’m accepting that my kids will pretty much make a mad woman’s breakfast out of them anyway. 

So (and please feel free to take any or all of these on for yourself), this year, I resolve to: 

• Spend more quality time with my kids. Just as soon as they start sitting quietly, and enjoy trashy mags; 

• Be interested in things my kids are interested in, as soon as they start appreciating a decent latte; 

• Spend time listening to music and reading books with them, when they ditch the Wiggles and start enjoying Aerosmith and books by Marian Keyes; 

• Stop the emotional eating of chocolate, and eat it because it contains calcium; 

• Support a charity a truly believe I – I’m the best cause I know of!; 

• Work with neglected children – my own; 

• Have kids spend more time with my Mother-In-Law, by carrying through on those threats of “If you keep that up, you won’t be going to the movies with us and you’ll have to go to Nan’s house!” 

• Ask for help when I need it, and those times I feel like lying in the foetal position, and crying “God Help Me!” – actually doing it! 

This year, start it off right – and set yourself some resolutions that you can actually keep. You’ll start the year off not feeling a failure, and you’ll impress everyone around you by being the only one to keep your resolutions this year. 

Have a great one! 

© realmums.com.au Mad Cow is the Mother of 3 boys, and persistent non-planner – because there just isn’t any point. She is also founder of fluff-free parenting website www.realmums.com.au and currently has a To Do List ready to devour her ….

White Choc & Apple Hot Cross Buns 

Ingredients (Makes 12) 

• 200ml (3/4 cup) warm water (45 C)
• 60g butter
• 1 tablespoon dried milk powder
• 50g (1/4 cup) caster sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• 1 egg white
• 375g (3 cups) plain flour
• 3 teaspoons dried yeast
• 125g (3/4 cup) currants
• 125g (3/4 cup) diced green apple, peeled
• ½ cup of white chocolate cooking buds
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 egg yolk
• 2 tablespoons water
• For the icing:
• 60g (1/3rd cup) icing sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla essence
• 2 teaspoons low fat milk

Preparation method